Prompt: This has no prompt. It is purely for my amusement.
If there was one thing that Kakashi had not expected, it was this.
Standing not ten feet away from him was Namikaze Minato--his teacher and mentor--kissing one Uzumaki Kushina. One might not have found such an occurence all that strange, but Kakashi knew better than anyone else after listening to many a lengthy rant on the demerits of strong-willed, redheaded, temperamental women that Minato and Kushina did not get along. Both were too strong-willed and set in their ways.
Not only that, but while Minato thought Kushina was a nutcase, Kushina thought Minato was too girly and flaky to even bother calling a man. That had done nothing to mollify the blond-haired man at all. The last time Kakashi had seen the two together, Kushina had called Minato a prepubescent moron with the brain of a squirrel, and Minato had called Kushina the thrice-be-damned demonic kunoichi (1) from Hell.
Two days later Kushina had left--presumably on a mission--and Minato the day after that--also presumably on a mission.
Now, more than a week later, Kakashi stumbled across the two of them swapping spit on Training Ground 7 in broad daylight.
What happened? Is it the apocalypse?
Behind him, Obito failed to realize that his previously mobile comrade was now stationary and slammed into the prodigy's back. The Uchiha failed to move Kakashi even an inch, instead bouncing off with an unmanly squeak and landing in an undignified heap on the ground. Rin, who at least had the decency to realize Kakashi had stopped walking (more so due to the fact that she constantly stared at him than anything else) and halted just to his left. Her large eyes focused on the pair making out under the trees and widened to the point where Kakashi couldn't help but wonder if they were about to fall out.
"Is that... really...?"
Kakashi blinked twice, just to be sure, and pinched his arm. Ow! "Yes, it is."
"What is?" Obito looked up at his gaping teammates with wide, curious eyes, his head jerking back and forth between the two so fast that Kakashi wondered if the boy would develop whiplash from the movement. "What--?"
Rin reached down, her fingers curling in Obito's hair and jerking his head in their sensei's (2) direction, forcing his eyes to settle on the pair of elite ninjas who had still not registered the presence of the three young students not ten feet away. "Look."
The Uchiha looked. "Oh..."
They all stared, and then Obito broke out into one of those grins that Kakashi knew meant nothing but trouble. It was so wide it looked like it stretched from ear-to-ear, complete with rows of straight, white teeth and a delighted giggle.
"Minato and Kushina sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G--"
Oh Kami (3), here we go again...
At this point, both of the ninjas would have had to be blind, deaf and mentally unsound in order to miss the obnoxiously off-key rendition of the playground crush song. Minato jumped, looking for all the world like a startled bunny rabbit, and Kushina turned a shade of red so dark that it rivaled her hair for brilliance.
"--first comes love, then comes marriage--"
Minato looked like he would have a heart attack. Two pairs of shocked eyes settled on the Uchiha, who had gotten his butt off the ground and was now bouncing off the figurative walls, doing what could only be described as some sort of dance, prancing around his silent teammates like a lunatic whilst he sang.
"--then comes the baby in the baby carriage!"
Somehow, Kushina's blush became darker, and Minato seemed to lack the ability to breathe for several long seconds. Then...
"It's not what you--"
"We haven't done--"
"--think it is, I swear! I don't--"
"--anything inappropriate!"
"--even like that blond-haired girly-boy like--"
"We were just--"
"--that! It was--"
Even Kakashi wasn't sure what they were trying to say, as both their voices--the loud, low feminine shouts and the softer, deeper mumbles--mixed together into an unrecognizable cacophony of diluted sound. But apparently Obito understood what they were saying, because his grin only widened. It was a wonder his face didn't come apart at the seems from being stretched so far.
"Yeah, yeah! Excuses! You can't fool me like that, Minato-sensei! I knew you'd liked her forever, and now you're totally a thing! Admit it!" Kakashi winced at the volume of the shout and wondered what the hell Obito was talking about. Minato and Kushina hated each other.
Rin wrung her hands nervously. "He has a slight point," she said softly. "It's good that you've finally gotten over your differences with Kushina-chan (4), Minato-sensei."
"I don't-- I haven't-- We're not... not..." Minato couldn't seem to get the words out. His stumbling only made Obito's laughter louder and Rin's giggles shriller. The urge to cover his ears with his hands was strong, but Kakashi resisted and wondered privately what the joke was. It appeared as though he had missed out on the punch-line.
Meanwhile, Kushina--who was usually brash and loud-mouthed--appeared too embarrassed to do anything more than squeak softly at the teens' exclamations.
"It's really about time!" Obito commented brightly. "Congrats, sensei. You're going to name me honorary big brother, right?"
Rin's giggles escalated into full-out laughter; she covered her mouth with one dainty hand and squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Kakashi, meanwhile, was completely lost.
Is this another one of those social things that I'm apparently supposed to know but don't? Two people who hate each other should not be kissing. Has Minato-sensei been possessed or something? Maybe he's a spy in disguise... Kakashi narrowed his eyes on the mortified blond man, trying to see any flaw in his composition that could indicate a henge (5) or illusion. But why would a spy want to get Minato-sensei and Kushina-san (6) to kiss... This makes no sense...
A friendly arm was draped over Kakashi's shoulder, causing the young ninja to stiffen. It was Obito, he realized a moment later, spotting the orange stitching of his dark blue sleeve. "Don't think so hard, Kashi-kun," the Uchiha said, patting his back so hard that Kakashi was nearly pitched forward onto the ground, "You'll break your brain doing that!"
Finally, Rin's giggling ceased, though her smile was still wide and bright. "Come on... let's give the two lovebirds their privacy. We'll see you tomorrow, sensei."
Minato shook his head frantically. "Wait! We're not... Where are you...?"
Obito curled a hand in the back of Kakashi's shirt and dragged the silver-haired teen behind him, only pausing to shout over his shoulder at the red-faced couple. "Have fun! And remember, I'm the older brother!"
"OBITO!"
The Uchiha ignored the castigation, still wearing that shit-eating grin of his. Only once they were out of the Training Ground did he release Kakashi, who have him a dark-eyed, unamused glare. "What do you think you're doing? We have training."
His teammates stared at him for a moment as if he'd grown an extra head which spoke in opera. "I think Minato-sensei wants some alone time with Kushina," Rin pointed out.
But that doesn't make any sense! "They hate each other."
Almost in synchronization, Rin and Obito shook their heads as if in shame. "You're completely hopeless, Kashi-kun," Obito told him, giving him a pat on the head as if he were a child and not a fourteen-year-old jounin (7).
"Don't call me that."
"I mean, really... They've had crushes on each other forever. How could you not notice?" The condescending tone set Kakashi on edge. "It was so obvious!"
It's illogical! I don't understand. "It doesn't make any sense."
"Don't question." Rin looped an arm through the crook of her teammates' elbows and began pulling them back towards the village. "Let's go out to eat--that new BBQ place is great, I heard--and we'll train more tomorrow."
"But..."
"No buts!" Rin was smiling and almost dancing in excitement. "Just you wait, there's a wedding on the horizon! I can see it now. It'll be so amazing!"
I sincerely doubt it.
Two months later, Minato and Kushina were married, and Kakashi was more confused than ever before.
Note: This is non-canon, because if it was canon Obito would be dead and Minato and Kushina's wedding would be a secret. However, this is my alternate timeline and I wish for them to be this way so that is the way they shall be, da~
(1) kunoichi - a female ninja
(2) sensei - roughly "teacher"
(3) Kami - literally "divine being", but is basically just a word for "god"
(4) -chan - honorific used to address a younger female (not always obviously) with affection. However, in this case it's just that Obito would never use -san to address someone. It's just not his style. He's the Naruto of the Uchiha Clan after all...
(5) henge - an illusion where a ninja transforms themselves to look like someone else
(6) -san - roughly Mr., Mrs. or Miss
(7) jounin - the highest ranking ninjas in the village who are kicka$$ and go on dangerous missions
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