The Eloping of Hyuuga Hinata

Prompt: This is actually Part II of Konoha Chronicles so it's not a new prompt. I just felt like continuing it.
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It was the day after the failure of a wedding and Neji felt like a million bucks. Not only did he not have to marry a gi-- Hinata, but Hiashi-oji-sama (1) was in a right state. Though he didn't dare laugh aloud as he watched his furious uncle pace across the study floor until the carpet frayed, inside he was laughing his a$$ off. It was just too funny!

"How could she do this to us? How dare she? That ungrateful--"

Tuning out his uncle's continued ranting, Neji turned to look at the "present" Hinata had left for her father. This morning when they'd awoken, Hiashi had had every intent--according to his rant anyway--of forcing the two of them to the alter even if it meant knocking them unconscious, tying them up and dragging them there, then forcing an Uchiha or Yamanaka to put them under a mind-controlling jutsu (2) until they said their "I do"s.

Quite frankly, Neji was grateful that Hinata had chosen to disappear in the night. He really didn't want to marry her.

The young man's eyes lingered on the perfumed parchment on his uncle's desk, examining the graceful curving vines and blossoms lining the edges. However beautiful the paper was, though, its beauty couldn't compare to the glory of the words written upon it, at least, in Neji's opinion.

Dear Otou-sama (3),

I'm sorry, but I simply couldn't go through with the wedding. I couldn't marry Neji; he doesn't even like girls anyway. Besides, I'm in love with another, and my heart is telling me that I need to be with him. Please forgive me for my disobedience, but I am giving up the title of Heiress to the Hyuuga Clan. Give it to Hanabi, or even Neji. I would much rather spend my life with my beloved Naruto.

Love,
Hyuuga Hinata

Neji hummed. Her beloved Naruto, huh?

"--that bloody demon, how dare he steal her from us? I'll--"

And, of course it was the demon-boy's fault. Actually, Neji considered this to be one of the few things that Naruto had ever proven to be useful for. He would have to remember to use the family fortune to buy the boy a life-time supply of ramen next October. That would be a fitting gift, certainly?

"--and then she must be brought back, even if I have to--"

Why won't he just give it a rest? Neji sighed and shook his head, reaching out to stroke his fingers over the thick parchment once more before abandoning his post at his uncle's side. "I'm going to my room now, Hiashi-oji-sama."

"--drag her back myself. And then I'll fry that demon-child for ever daring to lay his filthy hands on the Heiress of the Hyuuga Clan. How dare he?"

So much for being acknowledged. His uncle had not even paused to reply.

Neji slipped out into the hallway and towards his room. However, he had only taken a few steps before running into perhaps the last person he wanted to see. Little Hanabi was standing in the hallway, her eyes every bit as disconcerting as they had been yesterday when they watched him make a fool of himself in celebrating of his own jilted marriage.

"Hello, Neji-san (4)," she said cutely. "Where are you going?"

"To my room."

She raised a hand and cutely cupped her chin in a classical "thinking" look. "Neji-san, you still haven't told me what the word fu** means."

Scandalized, Neji raised a hand to cover her mouth, but too late. The frantic ranting of his uncle paused at the sound of the f-bomb leaving his five-year-old daughter's mouth. Kami damn it all, he's going to kill me!

"Uh..."

His uncle appeared in the doorway in all his righteous fury. "What was that?"

"Otou-sama, Neji-san won't tell me what the word fu** means. I asked him yesterday because he was dancing around after nee-san (5) ran away and screaming and he said it so I asked him what it meant and he told me to 'never mind' and go to my room, but I still want to know, so--"

Neji felt a knot twist in his stomach. "I didn't mean to let her hear, I--"

"--I thought that if he wasn't dancing around being happy and stepping on his clothes he might be in a better mood and answer me, but he's not. Otou-sama, why was Neji dancing yesterday? I thought he was supposed to be sad? He was laughing and called you a bad word."

By this point, Neji's cheeks were bright red with complete and utter mortification. Kami strike me down now... why can't children learn to keep their mouths shut? Does she ever run out of breath? Maybe I should take a gag to her, then--

"Oh really..." Hiashi's glare was turned on him, and Neji gulped.

"O-of course not!" he quickly said. "I would never do something so disrespectful to the family's honor! She's making it up! I did say... that word... but the rest of it is lies--lies! I'm every bit as upset by Hinata's disappearance as the rest of the Clan, believe me, I--"

"Very well..." Suspicion still lingered in Hiashi's eyes as he turned to his young daughter. "Go to your room, Hanabi."

"But Otou-sama, I still don't know what the word fu--"

"I said go to your room."

The brat sighed and pouted, stomping her tiny feet. "How come Neji-san gets to know?"

"Just go to your room..."

With an offended little humph, the tiny girl was on her way, arms crossed, marching holes into the carpet as she retreated, leaving an uncomfortable silence between the two men. Hiashi stared straight through Neji.

"So... is it true, Neji?"

"Is... is what true?"

"That you don't like girls."

"..."

"I thought so."


Note: Complete crack-fic, but I couldn't resist having a bit of fun before committing myself to hours of dreadfully dull bucketing and sorting of research.

(1) -oji-sama - respectful way of saying "uncle"

(2) jutsu - a fighting skill or spell used by ninjas in the manga Naruto

(3) Otou-sama - very respectful way of saying "father"

(4) -san - roughly equivalent of saying Mr., Mrs. or Miss

(5) nee-san - somewhat respectful term for "older sister"