The Goldfish Incident

Prompt: You've been turned into a goldfish. Tell us about your experience and epic plan to turn back into a human.

Do you have any idea how much this sucks? I mean, really? I'm just going to say this now: Humans should be nicer to goldfish. That's my New Year's Resolution: be nicer to the fish. Because, you know what, if I was a fish and had to put up with people every day, I think I might die...

I mean, I am a goldfish right now... but that's beside the point!

Did you know that this bowl stinks? It's really gross! I suppose regular goldfish aren't smart enough to care about swimming around in grimy water. This bowl really needs cleaning, like badly... like now.

You know what else? I hate it when people tap on the glass, like it's supposed to make me do something more interesting than dart for the nearest hiding spot. It hurts my eardrums. Why don't I turn your stereo all the way up and blast it in your ears and see how you feel. Yeah, that's right! And do you have any idea how big you are? I mean seriously! You're like giants! You're pointer fingers is the size of my head! Every time you press it up against this thin glass I feel like it's going to squish me like a bug.

Moreover, are there any people in existence who actually feed their fish? I'm kind of starving here! A little food would be nice... like, chocolate and steak and ice cream, not the funky rotten fish-flakes that float on the water and get all soggy after five minutes. I can't believe real fish actually eat that... but then, I suppose you have to make due, right? I mean, I'm almost willing to eat them... I'm not that hungry... yet. And I only get one, like, every other day, or even every three days. Would your loving "parents" go three days without feeding you? I don't think so! Aren't you people supposed to be taking care of me?

The boring, endlessly-filled-with-nothingness life of a goldfish aside, I'm telling you right now that there's no way I'm staying like this. Granted, I'm not sure if anyone even has realized where I've gone. Humans don't normally turn into goldfish, do they? I've never heard of that happening before. Oh my God... what if that's where all those missing children you see on flyers go... they get turned in goldfish and are sentenced to prison life in a dirty fishbowl until the end of their pitiful days and their graves lie wherever the rancid toilet-water is taken to!

Not going there... no way... Nuh-uh! I'm not going out like that!

The problem is, you see, that I had a plan. It was the most epic, awesome plan ever... but I can't remember it. Goldfish memory only lasts for five seconds. I'd get to the second phase, and then wonder: How did I get here again? Wasn't there a first phase? I would write it down, except fish can't write...

Let's just put it this way: Life as a goldfish is fail. Life as a goldfish with a cat staring into your bowl in the middle of the night is even worse. Life as a goldfish trying to avoid being scooped out of said bowl and devoured by said cat is just a nightmare! Jeez, I swear, people don't appreciate us fish enough! We put up with a lot of crap!

Here comes that epic plan again! I'll... I'll propel myself out of the bowl (I'm not sure how yet) and onto the desk in the corner of the room, where I can use my awesome dexterity to write out a very large, wet SOS sign with my name at the bottom and at arrow--

Wait... what was the first part again?

You know... maybe I should just wing it. This planning stuff is overrated.


Note: Result of extreme boredom and a very random prompt from my friend in MT. I'm not crazy, I'm just tired and my nose is stuffy. *pout*