Why...?

Prompt: Use the words from your favorite song (or the song that is stuck in your head), mix them up and write a short short story using every word.

Utopia doesn't exist.

I sit beside the window alone, staring out into the rain feeling as though I'm drowning. The whole world is coming apart at the seams. Sometimes I have these days... I feel like all the colors are fading out of the world around me.

Maybe it's all in my head. Closing my eyes, I try to remember what I was dreaming before I woke up... maybe there would be refuge there. Maybe there I can find the cure for this strange lifelessness inside me. But even there, the whole world is burning down... down... down... until there's nothing left.

Why...?

I have to ask, you know. I don't think I can be free from this... this desire for answers. Searching... searching... where is the door? I want to get out.

Sometimes, I hate my life. Don't tell anyone. I won't lie to myself, at least, about that. The door swings shut... closer and closer to locking me inside. My hand clenches tightly on the windowsill in the fading afternoon light, barely visible through the dreary gray blanket covering the Earth.

"Jessica!" It's my mom... I wish she would just leave me alone. "Jessica, it's time for dinner!"

"Coming!"

Lie. I'm not going anywhere. Outside, the cars swish past. There's a dead squirrel in the street--I think the neighbor killed it. He's always been out to get the squirrels. Yet I find that the thought of being that squirrel, at least, doesn't appeal to me. I'm not that hopeless yet.

I have something to live for.

"Jessica! Come and eat!" She's getting annoyed now. Her and her backwards ideals. She never responds when I yell at her.

"I said I'll be down in a minute!" Another lie. I'm still not going anywhere. Maybe if I stare out into the rain long enough, the boundaries keeping me from finding my answers will fall down. There must be something... what am I missing? Why does it hurt so much?

You know, it shouldn't bother me like this. So my boyfriend dumped me. Am I going to forget about the rest of my life? I'll have another chance... right? Romance... so overrated.

Sighing, I pushed myself away from the window. Fine... if that's the way she wants it... I stomp down the stairs, frowning stubbornly as I enter the kitchen. Mom turns to give me that look. I try my best to ignore her. I turn to stare at the window opening out into the street from a different angle. From here I can see the stupid neighbor guy roaming across his yard like a wayward dog, caught in the shining light of a nearby street-lamp. What an idiot. You'd think after evolving for several thousand years mankind could turn out something more intelligent than a man who shoots squirrels with bee-bee guns.

"The food's getting cold," Mom informed, setting a plate down on the table in the spot that was supposed to belong to me. Funny... no one else seemed to like the idea of sitting at the table either. My two brothers and father were nowhere to be found. It wouldn't have surprised me if they weren't even home.

I took the plate nevertheless, scavenging a piece of juicy red steak. "I'm going back to my room," I muttered.

"Jessica..." Her tone was warning, but I ignored that, too. The pleasant dark, grayness of my room awaited me. There, at least, I could think without interruption. Why... why... why...?

In the end, I guess it doesn't really matter. I'll find it eventually.


Note: I don't even know what the hell this is about. I'm not depressed (and my name's not Jessica). I guess this is just a... practice narrative? Yeah... sure... something like that...

The song I based it off of is Utopia by Within Temptation. Look it up, it's pretty.