From an Apple's Point of View - Third Division Style

Prompt: Write a story from the point of view of an apple sitting in a fruit basket on your kitchen counter, observing life around it.

You know what the most boring thing in the world is? It's not being able to move. I sit here every stinking day, and you know what, I hate it. Do you have any idea what it's like to be trapped here day after day, awaiting slaughter? Every morning I see him padding through the kitchen, and every day he looks at me, and I wonder: Is today the day? Is he going to eat me? But he just walks on by with this creepy smile curving his thin lips.

As I am an apple, I cannot "breathe" a sigh of relief, but you get the general idea.

It's very strange living in this house. You know, he's the only one here. Well, that's a lie. He has a cat. And a Lieutenant, but that's not as important. I know Kira isn't going to eat me; he wouldn't dare!

The cat, however...

Mr. Fuzzymuffins was a gift from Ran-chan, his best friend. I can think of a million things that crazy woman could get him that don't think, breathe and--more importantly--scratch. But no... She likes cats... And, of course, he went along with it...

So I just sit here. I wake up every morning to Mr. Fuzzymuffins whining about not being fed for a whole six hours. Worse, I might even wake up to see his fat, ugly, squished cat-face in front of me, those gold, slit-pupil eyes watching me like a particularly interesting toy he's about to pounce on. It's almost as bad as Gin-chan's smirk! If it weren't for the fact that Gin-chan's not orange, fuzzy or cat-faced, I'd almost think they were related.

I may be an apple, but I'm not stupid.

After he gets up to feed the cat (in those bunny slippers that he was given by his Lieutenant (who got them from Hinamori-chan but didn't want to hurt her feelings, so he gave them to Gin-chan instead)), Gin-chan habitually prepares two pieces of toast--crisp and golden, but never brown--and smears them with a layer of creamy butter which would make me gag because there's so much of it. And then he puts cinnamon on it... I know I shouldn't be complaining, but that's just gross! Surely I--the apple--am more appetizing than a high-carb piece of soggy toast with overrated mouth-burning spice on it!

At this point he leaves the kitchen and doesn't return for approximately three hours in which he procrastinates and attempts to drive his subordinates insane. At precisely eleven o'clock in the morning, Kira will show up at the front door to get him up (even though he's already been awake since eight o'clock) in an attempt to force him to do his real job.

It never works.

He will walk through the kitchen, open the door, and do his very best to annoy Kira into leaving him alone. Kira, being the diligent trooper that he is, will not be convinced. Thankfully, Gin-chan will be dragged unceremoniously from the front door (his sandals leave tracks across the polished kitchen tiles), leaving me to my own devices until early evening.

It would be great... if I could move. I can't, however, as I am an apple and have no legs.

You might argue against this logic--how can an apple with no legs have a brain to think with? Or rather, what kind of logic dictates that an apple should have a brain but not legs? I am a special apple, you see, created by the Twelfth Division. You could say that I am the guinea pig for sentient apples everywhere. However, I can't talk and I can't record, so I can't spy, nor am I useful for anything but being eaten.

I think it's an epic fail on the part of the Research and Development Department, but who cares what an apple thinks?

But that's not really important. At approximately four o'clock in the afternoon, Gin-chan will arrive at home (having not completed any of the mandatory paperwork demanded of his position) and bring out the sake (1). The door will swish open just so--see just there?--and he'll sweep inside with that creepy smile on his face--see, I told you--and then he'll walk across the kitchen and reach into the... Hey! Hey wait! Wait a minute here! Put me down! No! No, no, no, no, no! I am a member of the Department of Research and Development, you can't eat m--

(And there ends said apple)

Fin

Note: (1) sake - an alcoholic drink from Japan. Think of it like beer.

(2) I borrowed characters from Bleach because my sister wanted me to. I guess you could call this a disclaimer, but *clears throat* I do not own any of these characters (barring the apple and Mr. Fuzzymuffins), and Gin-chan, Ran-chan, Kira and Hinamori-chan all belong to Tite Kubo *sniffles*